It’s a tough line to take, but I have. It does mean some friendships end. And so it goes. I think it’s taken me five decades plus one or two life events to learn that I am not someone who can keep the same relationships going, listen to the same dramas, deal with the same stuff – mine and others’.
When you choose to bow out, it’s a bit like taking a walk alone in the woods at night. You think there’s no one around. Then you begin to notice everything else that you’ve missed out on, for years.
It is with some heart-felt sadness that I have let some people go and the F.U. response says it all. I will keep letting go and allowing new people in my life. I won’t hide from the world, I am willing to take risks with new friendships, but…
Sometimes habits evolve around playing out the same scenarios, the same play. But ‘kin norah, life’s too short.
I have a busy mind. I admit it’s been floored a bit since the MI. I’m writing this whilst the cat’s having one of those crazy moments, so I guess his mind’s a bit like mine right now and he may leap on to my desk any minute…
When I moved last year I thought that was all endings and new beginnings happening , but now it seems, there’s more to come. Some kinda further substantial shift.
I realise that I am tired of certain situations, recurring issues, other people’s stuff and that I have, at this moment, lost the will and patience (not that I had much of that) to listen to what I can only describe as 360 degrees of the same…..stuff. I have been suggesting folk take their stuff elsewhere. I have my own to be concerned with and mine is more important right now.
So back to the busy mind and keeping it occupied. I am. We all experience stuckness, inertia, having to not take action – all these things I am no fan of. But there’s a lesson I must learn to move in to the next phase of my life and my third phase is coming up.
Am I in search of enlightenment, something else. Maybe. But the old has to go and strangely that can also mean some people who have been in my life for a long time. Slowly, one by one, they disappear. Slowly the planets align and a new path appears. I make my new journey alone. No hangers-on thank you. It’s about my Hisao.
Nothing stays the same for long…
I’m now gluten and dairy free. Still working on the veggie/vegan bit – I can have eggs. Not sure I can give them up if I really don’t need to. Elimination and diary-keeping over a number of weeks have led to significant changes. This also means that what other people have cooked for me is no longer viable. Eating out – there are places. Then there’s funny quirks – I don’t like soya milk, I can’t have tomatoes. It’s doable. I am growing to like it and to like ditching the old foods for new. As for gibanica – I’ll have to invent a whole new recipe!
I’m also changing what I do and how I do it. It’s time to put stories to the fore. My novella, Butterfly Coffee is now with an agent! I am putting together a collection of shorts from my notebooks and this website. My workshops are evolving too. Hisao is gathering momentum.
The first year of the Peace Studies Masters will soon be over. I have mixed feelings about it, particularly its connections. More on that another time. I have, however, thought more about movements. I want people to move with me, change with me.
Staying here? The Dales are calling.